A lot has happened from January until today, and as I sit down to reflect, I want to start with the good things, partly because it makes writing easier for me and also because it sets a lighter tone for anyone reading this.
I had been planning a surprise for Thinley for a while, and to make it happen, I enlisted my brother Tshu to help me. For the past few days, we had been secretly coordinating to get him a new phone. The one he had been using was outdated, with low specs, constant storage issues, and apps that barely functioned. It was easily one of the worst phones to rely on, yet he somehow managed with it for so long.
What made this even more meaningful was that Thinley could have easily bought himself a new phone. Instead, he sent me the money so I could get one for myself. That level of selflessness is just who he is, always putting others before himself. While I was incredibly grateful for his generosity, I was also deeply concerned. He had sent me everything he had, without keeping anything for himself.
To add to the excitement, Tshu told Thinley there was a parcel waiting for him. From that moment on, curiosity got the best of him. He kept asking Tshu what it was, but I have to applaud my brother because despite Thinley’s questions, he never gave anything away.
The plan was for Tshu to deliver the phone over the weekend. But, as expected, Thinley couldn’t contain his excitement. Unable to wait any longer, he decided to pick it up on his day off instead. When it comes to surprises, he’s just like a child and his excitement is so pure and contagious.
Along with the phone, Tshu handed him 25 KD, which I hope will be enough to last him the month. It feels good to do something for him, even in this small way. He deserves it.
Now comes the painful part, Thinley found out that I had let my friend stay here. It was the morning of January 13th. When I picked up his call, I could hear the disappointment in his voice. He wasn’t angry, but something was worse than anger that he was hurt. And the moment the call ended, he blocked me from everything. Just like that, he was gone.
I had no way to reach him except through email. He deleted his Facebook profile and created a new one. I wanted to message him there, to explain, to beg for another chance, but he had made it clear not to text him. And I was terrified. If I pushed too hard, I might lose even this fragile connection.
Valentine’s Day came and went, and for the first time, I couldn’t call him, couldn’t hear his voice. It broke me. Instead, I sent him an email with a link to my blog, hoping my words would reach him, hoping he would understand how much he meant to me. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t enough. Maybe I was a coward. Maybe I should have fought harder.
That month felt endless. Every day was heavy, every night restless. It was the worst time I had ever gone through. I wrote about it in my previous blogs, trying to pour out the pain, but words could never fully capture what I was feeling.
Then, late at night on that same day, I did something I had been too scared to do earlier. I gathered every bit of courage and sent him a message. I didn’t know if he would respond, but I had to try and he did. We exchanged a few messages, back and forth, careful, uncertain. Then finally, he said it "I’m giving you one last chance".
Relief washed over me, but I knew things wouldn’t go back to normal overnight. He was still hurting, still recovering from everything that had happened. He asked for time, and I promised to give him that. I will do everything I can, in every way possible, to help him heal and make things just a little bit easier for him.
I just want us to be us again. To laugh the way we used to, to talk without fear, to feel safe in each other’s presence.
I hope that day comes soon.
Signing Out,
Day 257 of Our LDR.
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