5th November 2024: Month 5

On October 1st, we had our fifth fight. It started with something small but quickly escalated. That day was his day off, and he had told me he’d be free in five minutes and that we would chat later. I waited for him for two hours, but he never got back to me. I started to worry, maybe something had happened to him, so I called him again and again, but he didn’t answer. When he finally responded through text, he was annoyed, and we ended up in a heated argument.

Later, I found out that he had been with his friends and had lost track of time. That hurt because I’ve always told him how important communication is, especially in a long-distance relationship. When you're thousand of miles apart, the one day off he gets is the only day we have to spend time together, to truly connect. I wait the entire week for that one day. It has become our routine, our way of maintaining what little intimacy we can despite the distance. But it felt like, for him, that time wasn’t as significant as it was for me.

That same night, I learned something even more concerning. He was sick again, but he hadn’t told me. The only reason he finally admitted it was because he had been drinking. During our conversation, he confessed that he hadn’t been doing well lately. Work was tough, and he regretted going there. It pained me to hear that because he had never told me before, he had kept it all to himself. When I asked why, he said he didn’t want to burden me. 

I appreciate that he cares about me enough to try to shield me from his struggles, but I was also frustrated. I had told him before that I wanted him to share his problems with me, that I was here for him no matter what. But then, as I sat there, I realized that I was guilty of the same thing.

I, too, had been struggling. I had been on sleeping pills for a while now, but I hadn’t told him either. Maybe I was also trying to protect him. Maybe I didn’t want to worry him when he was already dealing with so much. In that moment, I understood him better. I just wish we could both be more open with each other. Because love is not just about sharing happiness; it’s about sharing burdens too.

On October 8th, he went to a friend’s birthday party. He was drinking, but I had asked him to control his intake. Unfortunately, it was also his day off, and I didn’t hear from him from 9 PM until 4 AM. I was waiting, feeling anxious and unsure of what was happening. The next day, he reached out to console me, and as always, my heart melted. I can’t help but admit that he definitely knows how to work his way around me.

Then, on October 13th, I received a text from him, and it was clear something was wrong. He seemed upset, so I immediately asked him what had happened. With a heavy heart, he explained that his co-workers had been gossiping behind his back, talking about things that weren’t true. To make matters worse, the supervisor had approached him about the rumors, putting him on the spot and making him feel even more uncomfortable. It was evident that the situation had shaken him, and I could feel his frustration and hurt through his words. I was furious myself how could they treat him like that? But despite my own anger, I knew I had to stay calm for him. Instead of adding to the tension, I focused on comforting him, offering reassurance and support to help him navigate through the situation. I knew he needed someone to lean on, so I did my best to keep my emotions in check, even though it was incredibly difficult.

Signing Out, 

Day 150 of Our LDR.