Lately, he has seemed moody, and I suspect it’s because of the long working hours and the constant shift changes, which must be exhausting since his work is labor-intensive.
From August 6th to the 5th of this month, we had our second, third, and fourth fights. The fights usually happen because we struggle to make time for each other. He has been busy with work and shifting from one place to another, and I guess we are still adjusting to the distance between us. We miss each other so much that emotions often get the better of us, leading to outbursts that hurt us both. One of the fights nearly ended in a breakup when he said he wanted to end things. But when I asked him again, he said he wasn’t sure. That was a relief because I can't imagine what it would have put us through.
Sometimes, I feel like I am too intrusive and that I should be more understanding because he is going through a lot. I have been working on being more patient, and I truly hope we can avoid such fights in the future. They drain us both and steal away the little quality time we could have spent together. The thing is, he wants so badly to provide for us, but I just wish he understood that we are here to support each other. I hope, with time, he realizes that.
The silver lining in these fights is that they always lead to heart-to-heart conversations. We open up and share things we wouldn’t otherwise talk about. But it’s sad that we have to fight first before reaching that point, I wish we could just be honest without the fights.
For example, during our second fight, I ended up confessing that I’ve been feeling guilty about agreeing with his decision to go abroad. Deep down, I would have been happy even if he had stayed home while I worked. These feelings have been weighing on me for a long time. That conversation led to discussing his plans to open a juice café when he returns. It make me happy that he is already thinking ahead. Like I said he is growing up fast.
During our third fight, he shared how miserable he feels being there. He told me he has been struggling and hasn’t been able to sleep properly.
In our fourth fight, I asked him if he could just give me five to ten minutes of his day to communicate with me and keep me informed. I truly believe that if we talked more and kept each other updated, we could avoid half of our misunderstandings and fights. These are the things we normally don’t say to each other.
He fell sick again on the 29th and had to get an X-ray. He was put on rest for a day, and we are still waiting for his report. I hope everything is fine, but part of me wishes they would send him back on medical grounds.
On my part, I’ve been encouraging him to make vlogs to keep himself distracted. I’ve also been reminding him to save money since he struggles with managing his finances. He has been wanting to send me money but hasn’t been able to, and honestly, I don't think I could accept it anyway, knowing how hard he works for it. But the thought alone means a lot to me. Sometimes, thoughts matter more than actions.
Since he can’t watch BL series where he is, I’ve been sending them to him via Telegram. It’s a small way for me to bring him comfort and help him feel connected to the things he enjoys, even from afar.
One day, out of nowhere, he brought up the topic of having a child. What surprised me even more was that his mother had told him that we should at least have one. Her words must have lingered in his mind because we ended up having a long and heartfelt conversation about it. As a gay couple, I know how incredibly difficult it would be for us to have a child whether through adoption but that didn’t stop us from dreaming.
He has mentioned wanting to adopt several times before, and I know it’s something deeply rooted in his heart. As much as I understand the challenges, there is a part of me that holds onto the same dream. In the depths of my soul, I wish it could happen, not just for me, but because I know it would make him truly happy. But for now, I guess it remains just that a wishful thought, a quiet hope tucked away for a future that may or may not come.
Now, Thinley being Thinley, he lost his headphones. He also went to recharge his data, paid for it, and somehow didn’t receive it. Sometimes, I wonder how a person can be so clumsy and careless. I had to scold him for it, and though I feel bad, I also think tough love is necessary at times. I just hope he learns to be more careful.
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